


Spidey Bunny & I

by ThatSoChangeableChick



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel (Comics), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Amazing Spider-Man (Movies - Webb)
Genre: Consent, Deadpool being Deadpool, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Rated for Deadpool's Language, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-07
Updated: 2016-11-03
Packaged: 2018-06-06 22:08:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6772162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatSoChangeableChick/pseuds/ThatSoChangeableChick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Friends to Lovers to Boyfriends. </p>
<p>How Spiderman opened up and learned to trust Deadpool, you know from the vantage that they were first friends, who then added the benefits.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, this is a Spideypool that literally came out of nowhere. I always seem to do this, I make this big ambitious projects with characters I love and I don't know - I forget to have fun with it, so I go into characters I don't read much about and then do fics for them and it comes out good?
> 
> Onto this fic, at the moment it's a two parter but it may soon be a three parter. Unknown yet. Those ambitious projects do come a calling. If you find anything that doens't sit right then please feedback me. Or you know, if you found something you loved than feedback me too so *thumbs up*
> 
> I hope you enjoy, like it and maybe even get a little turned on - even though I cannot and will not write nsfw to save my life (ok maybe to save my life) - at most a little necking is involved.

He tucked the web print design back into his trousers, rolling out his shoulders from the workout and fighting to keep the breathiness from his voice. “You know, I don’t think we’re a hundred percent terrible at that,” Spiderman threw out. “Only like twenty five percent, because of the elbows and heels,” Spiderman pointed at the somewhat busted wall.

It’d been a somewhat gritty, flaking wall of paint before and now, if Spiderman ducked his head he was pretty certain he could look into the abandoned apartment next door. He dusted the plaster from the arch of his covered foot.

Spiderman hesitated, “You’re being abnormally silent, Wade.” He looked over his fellow ‘workout’ buddy, half collapsed on a lumpy and chewed out couch. Wade had thrown an elbow over his eyes, his chest heaving in silent breaths and the lower part of his face already covered.

Wade waved a hand, “Spider-Bunny can go now. The Captain Deadpool is tired now, oh yeah, so tired, that’s it.” And then he curled slightly on the couch, fetus shaped to stuff a pillow over his head so Spiderman wouldn’t be able to see him.

“Wade,” Spiderman frowned. Sex was supposed to be fun, it wasn’t if Deadpool felt seconds from tears after it. He crouched beside Wade’s covered head and poked at the large mass, “Wade, what’s the problem?”

Wade flinched back. Spiderman swallowed – oh, so Wade had gone like that – he carefully tucked his fingers back into himself. It happened sometimes, Spiderman didn’t know why exactly, Wade never told him and Spiderman didn’t pry what with the very secret of his identity but he’s pretty certain it’s a defense mechanism against further pain. And Spiderman never intended for Wade to be hurt.

At least not when he wasn’t killing someone.

“Here, I’ll keep my hands to myself, alright?” It didn’t matter that seconds ago they’d roamed Wade’s shoulders, that they’d yanked him closer and pressed into an astoundingly impressive muscular back. “I’m staying right here, okay? And we’re going to talk because this is supposed to be fun.”

Wade tightened the arm smooching the pillow closer and Spiderman sighed, switching his crouch for crossed legs. “It was fun, right? You didn’t just hate it and play along did you, because Wade’s that so not what needs to be happening,” Spiderman tremored out. Wade looked like he’d enjoyed it, vocal as ever, with a little more press in his fingers like he wanted to hold on.

Spiderman liked it when Wade held on.

“It was good, real good Spidery Friend,” Wade muffled back. His voice wavering over that second good but Spiderman didn’t detect a lie.

Spiderman shuffled a little closer, “Than what, Wade? Do you…do you want to stop?” he swallowed. His chest squirmed at the notion but Spiderman locked his elbows and hands in his lap to hold it back. If Wade wanted to stop, Spiderman wouldn’t force him into it.

It was just an arrangement they had. It didn’t always work out and Spiderman can’t really recall when random chili dog conversations on rooftops turned into sex against the nearest hardest surface. But they found time, no matter how little.

Speaking of, Peter still had to grocery shop and finish studying for Professor Kim’s exam tomorrow, but this. This had to take precedent now, his grades could take a little hit. Hopefully not too large though he still really needed that scholarship.

Instead of an actual answer Wade squeaked out from beneath the pillow with a “Do you wanna?”

Spiderman smiled, rubbing the back of his neck. “Was the answer not obvious? I’ll try to make it more obvious. But I think I was pretty vocal about how much I enjoy our little…”

“Oh, there’s nothing little about it,” Wade poked his head out. His grin somewhat flat, equally hidden behind his mask. He never fully took it off and Spiderman didn’t push because it’s not like he could take his off. He liked Wade, he really did, liked who they were when they were together but Spiderman needed Peter to be separate for the good of his friends and his family, and himself.

He needed to compartmentalize the aspects of his life and sowing someone into more than one was dangerous. What if they’d be ripped out? What if they were hurt? Peter couldn’t allow that to happen.

Spiderman’s eyes crinkled back into a softened smile, “You want to tell me why you’re hiding like a turtle?” He didn’t want this to end on a bad note and he hadn’t failed to notice Wade hadn’t answered.

“Spiderman’s right,” Wade told those voices in his head. He flopped onto his back, pillow forgotten and sighed at the ceiling. “Should we get the marketing on that? How about it Spidey, you want a Turtle Deadpool? Alike enough I guess, can’t say the sex will be great and I can’t promise it’ll be a level up in the looks department but…”

Spiderman sighed heavenward, “You’re so gross. I don’t know why I hang out with you.” He wouldn’t be getting a serious answer out of Deadpool right now.

“Now there’s no need to be cruel, my rubber ducky, you love my hunk of lover meat,” Wade made a wide, vague gesture over his pelvis.

Spiderman snickered. He pressed a kiss to the spandex of Wade’s mask, it scratched his bare lips and was a comfort in its familiarity, “Not just your hunk of lover meat.” Spiderman tucked his mask into his collar, “I like your face too, the shoulders – a great bonus.”

“It is a good place to sit,” Wade agreed excitedly, clapping his hands. Spiderman’s giggle shook his shoulders as he crouched onto the windowsill and did a final check that he had everything on. He’d run out a few too many times with his underwear on display or a hickey on his neck visible where he didn’t tuck it in right.

The Bugle loved that.

“So,” Wade chirped. It was a voice he used when he thought begging was on the horizon, “Volez vous coucher avec moi ce soir?” Wade shyly hid behind his large shoulder in a very feminine gesture that only failed without a dress present.

Spiderman tilted his head, “I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s the only French you know.”

“I’m Canadian,” Wade pressed a shocked hand against his chest. His masked face thrown onto dramatic disbelief, “And Lady Marmalade is an anthem, a world anthem. Well that and Hollaback Girl, it’s about the bananas the b-a-n-a-n-a’s~…”

Spiderman fought back a grin, abandoning his perch to wrap Wade in a quick embrace, burying his nose in the dip of the strong collar. He’d just put his mask in and spandex on spandex wasn’t the most intimacy inducing sensation, so a firm embrace it would have to be. Wade was still warm, still smelt musky with the heat wafting off him.

Wade held back, firmer than ever, muscular arms cradled at the small of Spiderman’s back to clasp there. He’d quieted almost immediately, dipping his head to nuzzle into Spiderman’s jaw. And Spiderman knew what that meant, “See you later, Wade.”

Spiderman patted Wade’s shoulder to release. Spiderman sighed, “Do I need to break out again? I really don’t want to fracture your arm,” he warned. Wade released him with a muffled whimper, hands deadweights at his side. It was much better than the alternative.

“You’ll come back to me Spidey Bunny?” Wade checked.

Spiderman smiled, keeping his hands to himself so they wouldn’t be stolen again, “Course I will. I wouldn’t miss out on Taco Tuesday,” he scoffed. Wade shrugged a shoulder in a weak, crooked grin and Spiderman waved another time before shooting his webbing and hitting the night air.   


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've actually mostly written this. I wrote it on my one real day off becuase I wasn't in the mood for Bat Fam which isn't understandable, at all. I'm blaming cacw for throwing me off my game, I'm still not certain how I feel about it.
> 
> Onto something different, this is officially the first fic I'm writing from my new computer so YaY for that. Also if the first chapter didn't seem resolved, then see it as like an intro, which i guess is should have been clearer about. This chappy really starts to resolve it all, then the next will put the nail in the coffin.
> 
> (Not literally but real close.)

He kicked his feet off the building, chowing down on a taco with Wade plastered at his side. It was surprisingly warm with the setting sun at their face. Wade bobbed and weaved his tacos in a reenactment Spiderman couldn’t follow even if he tried.

“Oh, you even listening, Spidey Bunny?” Wade nudged him. His back curved to catch the only visible part of Spiderman’s face. “Oh, you’re happy today,” Wade sighed, “And I really wanted to do the do today. It’s okay, we can figure it out…bungee jumping? Sky diving? We could get a cat? Or maybe marriage at the courthouse across the road, that could be fun?”

Spiderman snickered, “Maybe next time.” He plopped inside the last bit of his taco and picked up a forth from their pile, “You should eat, Wade. I can’t finish all this by myself. I mean I could but I still got to swing home and this spandex is not built for a beer barrel,” Spiderman patted his stomach.

Wade smile twisted, a little resigned at the gnarled edges but still happily shrugging to eat his little taco boats. “Hey,” Spiderman swallowed, “Why do you call me Spidey-Bunny? I mean it’s not the most sexy times inducing image out there.”

“Uh, yeah it is,” Wade retorted. And happily returned to stuffing tacos in his mouth like a man starved. He licked salsa off his garbed thumb and Spiderman wished he’d worn a new suit, or at least cleaned it in the past week. Wade pulled a face, “Have you seen a bunny?”

Spiderman sighed, “You better not be talking about an actual bunny rabbit or this is over. How has it come to the point that I’m relieved if you’re talking about a playboy bunny?” he rubbed his head. Spiderman loved hanging out with Wade but sometimes the images induced were a little too ‘extra’.

“I’ll have you know Holly, Bridget and Kendra are strong and wonderful people that should not be looked down upon in their profession,” Wade dictated. Wait for it, “But going down is definitely allowed.” Wade took another bite of his taco with a grin.

Spiderman laughed, felt sort of bad about it, and elbowed Wade. “You asshole,” he shook his head.

The mask at Wade’s eyes widened, “You wanna see it?” he chirped excitedly.

“Later,” Spiderman declared, “For certain. But first, answer my question. Why Spidey-Bunny? I’m starting to think you’ll shout it out when you climax and that’s so not a connotation I want, especially considering you shout it out enough when I’m battling the beast of the week.”

“Oh, come on,” Wade chimed, “Instant boner fodder. You should be grateful, you need something hard to defeat the Rhino.”

Spiderman hummed, “Something hard you say?” He set down his half-eaten taco. Wade flickered over Spiderman’s form, already tilting back to take it all in. Spiderman glanced at Wade, sharpened on the hesitantly widening grin on Wade’s gnarled face.

Spiderman tackled, their mad grabble ending towards the center of the roof with a barked laugh from Wade, squirming in - what he believed was - a sexy manner where Peter had pinned him. “Oh, are you going to vanquish me ma lord Spidey? Ravish me under the _coming_ starlight?” he chirped in excitement.

Spiderman grinned, pressing into Wade for an open mouthed kiss and pulled back with a lick to Wade’s upper lip. He sat back up, straddling Wade’s waist and released the wrists he’d pinned despite Wade’s pout. Spiderman smiled, “Why Spidey Bunny?” he asked again.

If Deadpool really didn’t want to answer, he’d get violent or shut down. He wouldn’t divert attention. Wade only diverted attention when he was embarrassed or reluctant to talk but that didn’t necessarily mean he didn’t want to tell him.

Deadpool folded his impressive arms, bulging arms and chest, only becoming that much more impressive. His lower abdomen sucked in a twirling hot sensation and Spiderman rolled his eyes at himself, and awaited Wade’s answer. “This is underhanded,” Wade pouted. Before it switched to a squiggly grin, “I’m so proud,” he swooned.

Spiderman’s lips twitched and he hid it in the pretense of scratching at the mask on his nose. His knees dug into the gravel, tightening his thighs around Wade’s even chest heaves for air.

He sucked in a large breath, “Fine. It’s simple, you know, not simple as in Marty Mc-Fly simple but simple in the sense that…”

Spiderman rolled his eyes, “Wade,” he sighed. Spiderman leaned down, Wade’s bristling warmth sticking over his skin and quirked a brow. “Just tell me. It won’t stop this arrangement we’ve got in fact, if you get it off your chest it’ll feel better. Or at least that’s what my Aunt says about…” Spiderman shrugged to shake that memory off.

It’s not like he’d correct he’s sweet, elderly aunt on what type of relationship they really had.

“There – there, that!” Wade pointed winningly at Spiderman’s mouth, “You keep doing that.” Yes, Spiderman did use his mouth often. Though it wasn’t an objection point of any of them.

He didn’t really get it, “…talking?” Spiderman tried, “If you didn’t notice it’s a main factor of this arrangement we’ve got. I talk a lot, you talk a lot, sometimes we talk at each other and it works out.” He shrugged, braced his hands on Wade’s firm chest and felt his jaw work, “Do you want to stop that bit of…?”

Wade shook his head, it had to hurt a little, “No, no. Course not Honey Peach Pie, it’s like our fav-okay, one of our favorite parts of our little love fest. It’s just…” he stammered, cleared his throat and blinked a lot. “It’s just, usually in that whole part time crime fighters part time anti-heroes doing the nasty on the side there isn’t a lot of talking involved…” Wade mumbled off.

Wade averted his gaze to somewhere beside Spiderman’s elbow. He tried sliding off Wade, give them some space to talk about it but Wade held his thighs in place and Spiderman relaxed back down, ducking his head to think over it. “And you don’t want to stop the talking bit?” Spiderman tried again.

“We really don’t want to stop the talking bit,” Wade declared.

Spiderman still didn’t understand, “You like this then, right? The talking and the…”

“Sexy times,” Wade chimed, “We love it. Almost as much as we love Hugh Jackman and our crocs, nature’s massaging condom for the feet.”

Spiderman snickered, rubbing away that image and tried to understand what Wade really wanted out of this. Sure, the arrangement wasn’t like other’s Peter had heard about but it worked for them. It worked for Wade as well, at least that’s what he’d said.

He cleared his throat, “So…” Spiderman prompted.

Wade swallowed.

Then, busted out with; “We started doing the love tango. It was supposed to be all bunnies in heat, rolling in the sheets, all Lana Del Rey aesthetic on the unattached side of dodge and then…I know you, your roommate’s name, and your best friend’s. We raved over the Captain together, and you didn’t want me killing that Teach that’s an asshole. And you told me, you hang out with Boy Flame…” Wade shrugged.

Wade cleared his throat at Spiderman’s flush, the cold air hitting his cheek. He had a secret identity for a reason but apparently he couldn’t keep his mouth shut. “I don’t…I haven’t,” Spiderman ducked his head.

He hadn’t been treating Wade like his boyfriend, had he?

Okay, maybe he’d brought Wade something he’d thought he’d like a few times. Okay, and maybe, Spiderman was a little touchy-feely with post-coital affection, and pre-coital affection now that he thought about it. And they did talk, a lot. He’d spent more time talking to Wade in the past few months then he had anyone else in a long time.

Had he been secretly dating Wade and his head hadn’t caught up on it?

Wade’s large hands on his thighs didn’t keep Spiderman seated this time, he wrenched off and backed towards the thick railing separating them from a forty storey fall. He just needed a moment to curl around his knees and think. “I’ve been playing with your emotions, haven’t I?” Spiderman gulped.

He hadn’t meant to do that. But and especially with Wade, Spiderman saying their relationship was less significant and smaller than it actually was must have hurt. “I didn’t mean it,” Spiderman added.

Wade sniffled, “Sure. But I’m keeping Ms. Twinkle Puff,” he shot back.

Spiderman lifted his head and arched a brow, “Ms. Twinkle Puff?”

“Yes,” Wade nodded. His slouched shoulders opening to an offensive width, “Ms. Twinkle Puff. Also known as Ms. Twinkle Puff Burrito, the senior.” Oh, that Ms. Twinkle Puff.

Ms. Twinkle Puff had come into being on the eve after Wade refused to stitch up a vicious mortal wound because “It’ll be softer than a baby’s behind come morning, then you’ll be a coming!” He’d wiggled his nonexistent eyebrows and Wade had thought that was that.

Sure, he’d been rather terrified of the gaping wound but Spiderman was mostly pissed off. He shoved a cactus off at Wade and declared that it was the only thing that wouldn’t die in Wade’s care. So, unless he wanted Wade wanted to be the only person to kill a cactus from lack of care then he had to start to buffer himself up.

It wasn’t his shiniest moment, especially after he learned about Ellie.

But wait, “You’re always keeping Ms. Twinkle Puff?” Spiderman checked. Its ownership hadn’t ever changed. Why would Spiderman take it now? And he’s said the words Twinkle Puff out loud, why did Wade do this to him?

“I am,” Wade sniffled.

Oh. “Wade,” Spiderman called, outstretching a little to reach for his not-boyfriend, “Come here.” He gestured, then decided to scotch up a little to reveal the little warm space he’d made on the roof, “Please. Wade just sit down.”

Wade pouted, thick lower lip jutted out to reveal the scars inside. Spiderman patted the spot beside him again and Wade sighed, slumping down beside him, “What?” he chimed petulantly.

Spiderman reached for Wade’s hand, carefully holding it in his fingers. “I’ve never had a…never been in a friends with benefits type thing before,” Spiderman winced at the eloquence of that.

Wade smiled a little and ducked his shoulders a little to preen in Spiderman’s face, “I know. I could tell.” Spiderman elbowed him hard, fighting back a snicker. Wade giggled, his raspy voice bunching up with little trills until it died down with averted glances at the revealed part of Spiderman’s face.

“What I’m trying to say is, I think I,” Spiderman swallowed, “I treated you like a boyfriend from the start. I guess I didn’t know any different but I’m glad,” he looked up at Wade. He wanted to make certain that Wade heard him; that he even liked where Spiderman was going with this, “I’m glad I treated you like a boyfriend.”

Wade’s gnarly smiled a little, delicate and on the earnest side. “Me too,” Wade shrugs, “It’d been a long while.” Oh my god, Spiderman shook his head. Wade still didn’t get it.

Spiderman intertwined his fingers with Wade and lifted it up for Wade to really see it.

“Yes,” Wade nodded importantly, “Platonic hand-holding is on the rave. All the gal pals are doing it,” his brows wiggled like he didn’t know which expression to stick too.

Maybe, Spiderman wasn’t being forward enough.

Spiderman huffed, dropping their intertwined hands to the tiny crook between their bodies. Well, if Spiderman was really doing this. If he’d already been really doing it for months now. It was about time Wade meet him behind the mask. And maybe Wade would finally take his mask off as well.

So yeah, Spiderman didn’t want to entangle his life together. He liked things separate but they hadn’t been for a while and he didn’t have to give it all not right away. Spiderman wouldn’t lose anyone so thoroughly intertwined in his life, not again.

“Fine, I got it. I’m going to have to be really clear about this, right?” Spiderman sucked in a breath, stabilized his heart and shifted slightly to face Wade. He outstretched his still warm fingers, “Hi. I’m Peter P…” He didn’t have to give it all. Only what he was comfortable with. Peter smiled, “Just Peter,” For now, at least.

Wade hesitated, shuffled back to scrutinize Peter from afar and then crowded in close as if looking for the hidden evidence this was all fake. Peter waited him out, a nervous glee beating in his heart.

Wade cleared his throat, “Is that your…”

“Uh huh,” Peter hummed. His cheeks ached into a grin as Wade lips twitched, finally understanding what had happened. “It’s my name.”

Wade blinked rather hugely, “And you meant to…”

“Oh yeah, uh huh.” Peter sucked his lower lip, biting back the overly pleased grin. “It’s Peter,” he clarified because he could. Finally Wade could make fun of his name. Peter had been waiting for this, “My name’s Peter,” he grinned.

“You told us your name,” Wade murmured in disbelief.

It took Wade a second longer than Peter anticipated.

Wade giggled, “Oh Peeta! Our love will defeat the empire, pull out your lightsaber and make sweet love to me. You know, because you l-o-v-e me and you wanna have ma mutant children. Ellie will love to meet her new step-dada. We should get a pita bread for desert, so what you feeling? Wanna lather humus all over me and then I’ll go in you,” Wade winked.

“That was…” Peter began, a little speechless on account of all his giggles, “The worst jokes of the century. And I would know because I’m running for first place there.” Wade opened his mouth for more and Peter covered the very talented mouth, “Please don’t say anything more for a moment. I need to calibrate this,” Peter snorted.

Wade licked his hand, gripping it at the wrist to yank Peter closer. “If you want me to be quiet then take one for the team, our team. For the dynamic Pita Bunny and Megalicious Hot-Shit duo…!” Wade proclaimed.

Peter laughed, fixing his fingers at Wade’s strong jaw to yank him down on top of him and sequestered Wade into a breathy kiss that had the added bonus of shifting those gleeful words to praised make-outs. Peter wrapped his legs around Wade, kissing with all he held, enveloping Wade’s warmth and the loving, eager hands clasped at his waist.

When Wade shifted to mouthing kisses down Peter’s throat, he held back a whimper. “We really need to go indoors, like on a bed hopefully, but really I’ll deal with a roof over our head. Unless you want to be on the ceiling because I can – uh, _so_ arrange that,” his spandex shoes twisted in the gravel.

Wade vaguely hummed, smile pressed into Peter’s collar bone while he tugged Peter’s spandex down a little to reveal his chest. Peter clutched at Wade’s head, “Why Spidey-Bunny?” he panted.

His boyfriend – Peter grinned, breathlessly but grinned – hesitated, distracted out of his conquest. “Huh…” Wade said eloquently.

“I get the whole doing it like bunnies thing but just why, bring it up all the time if it didn’t fit who we were?” Peter shrugged and asked. He’d finally gotten hold of his breaths to find Wade’s face illuminated in the setting sun above him. It was a good look.

Wade shrugged, leaning back a little to think it over.

Then he grinned and pecked Peter on the mouth, a vast contrast from hot and heavy earlier. “Because you’re cute like a bunny, a sexy bunny of godlike abilities, little clueless what with all the touching of the not downstairs, a cuddle bunny but with more of an uppercut! An Amazing Spider-Bunny!” Wade nodded importantly, “Much cuter than Thumper. You should be proud.”

“Oh god,” Peter laughed, “You’re an idiot.”

Wade’s grin became a little more earnest, “Yeah. And you love me, who’s the idiot now?” He helped Peter stand to his feet.

“You,” Peter clarified, “Still you. But I guess, I’m an idiot too.”

“Aw, we’re adorable,” Wade clomped around Peter’s back. His arms snuggled around Peter’s ribs and shoulder to nuzzle into his neck. “Now let’s go at it like bunnies in heat away from the prying eyes of those naughty watchers,” Wade nibbled at Peter’s neck.

“You know,” Peter grabbed Wade’s hand, “I think that’s the best idea you’ve had yet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't know when the next one will be up. It could be in a few hours, tomorrow, the end of the week, or a month from now. But it will get done. Sooner or later. I still have faith in my ability. But any outside motivation is greatly appreciated and welcome! ;'D


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. It's finally up. If you read some of my other work, you'd know that that new computer I mentioned in chapter one died on me, and I was left laptop-less until I found a new one. Now that it's finally here. I'll be finishing all those fics I left open. Beginning with this. So, hope you like it!

Spiderman coughed once, leveling onto his knees and shoving the burning rubble off his back with a painful intake of breath. There was a lot of roaring orange in his vision, flickering back and forth and burning his skin in mere proximity. His Spidey Sense returned in a full blare and Spiderman pressed a hand to the headache.

Okay, it was definitely time to find an exit.

It took a little maneuvering, too many close calls and that ringing in his ears blasted at the back of his neck before a flame erupted beside him. At some point, Spiderman made it outside.

It was nightfall, a fire truck was already on the scene, police pushing back any civilians that lived this far out of the main residential district. Spiderman was glad the building had been abandoned. But not glad enough that the beast of the week shouldn’t have blown it to smithereens.

Spiderman still had to find that asshole before anyone did get hurt.

He shuffled towards darker backgrounds, blinking the dancing lights to try and recalibrate his senses. When it finally centered a police woman held out a cup of water, “Thanks, officer.” Spiderman drank it all in a swallow.

Then sucked in a deep, clear breath. That was the stuff. Midtown stench, heavy on the garbage but relieving in the cold air. “You alright Mr. Spiderman?” she checked.

“Please,” he waved a hand, “Mr. Spiderman is my father. Just call me Spiderman.” Police Woman arched an eyebrow. Spiderman sighed, exasperated with the humorless people and nodded, “Yeah. Just a regular Friday night, you know how it is in the fighting crime business.”

Police Woman rolled her eyes, “Of course. Your partner’s caught the perp if you were wondering,” she said. Her thumb jutted over her shoulder at a stagnant fire work display, cut short by what appeared to be Deadpool stabbing the fire with his swords.

Spiderman nodded, already shifting towards the stilted fight and balled the plastic cup with his DNA on it. “He’s actually my sidekick, spread the word. Misinformation can be lethal,” he quipped. Spiderman saluted, dumped his DNA infested cup inside the flames and jogged towards Wade.

“Thanks for the drink, Officer,” Spiderman called back. “The beast of the week will be in your hands in just a moment,” he lifted a finger.

Police Woman just scoffed, “Kids…” Before she returned to her job. Well, he’d never tried to please everyone, mostly because it was impossible with the Bugle out there.

It took him a little while longer to reach Wade. He might have a concussion. He definitely had symptoms of dehydration. Spiderman would drink out his tap water when he got back home but until then, there was a perp in a candle stick outfit that needed to be put behind bars.

Deadpool yelled, “Just stay still, you little no-good night light! I promise it won’t hurt…okay, that’s a lie. It will hurt, a lot. And I’m going to enjoy stabbing you with sharp, pointy objects. You’ll be tiny, little, kibble pieces and I will eat you.”

Deadpool viciously brandished his sword at Candle Stick, whose eyes popped wide in fright. “And, once I’ve crapped you out. We’ll make Candle Pot Pie, raise it to a low simmer and fuck it through a bagel. And then…” Deadpool swallowed, his sword glinted, and “I’m going to eat that as well.”

At least Deadpool was alright. Spiderman frowned, “Please, don’t ever actually do that.” That was definitely a sight he wouldn’t be able to stomach. And Peter had walked in on Wade playing cat’s cradle with himself, severed arms propped and all.

Wade whipped around. And he didn’t even make one Willow Smith reference.

His eyes were wide, large and startled, to such a point he dropped both his precious swords to bolt over and wrap around Spiderman. It was a little overly tight but definitely not unwelcome after almost being blown to bits. “I thought the bad man had touched you with the C-4,” Wade whimpered.

Oh, that explained it.

Spiderman flopped into Wade’s embrace, tilting his head to give Wade better access to plant relieved kisses over the cheek revealed by his burnt suit. “It’s just a little campfire, Wade, I’ll be good in a couple…” he hissed as his thigh jostled. “Okay, a few days. I’ll be in tip-top shape in a few days.

“But right now,” Spiderman pulled back with a squeeze to Wade’s shoulder. His boyfriend whined but he held on, it felt good to be around something so firm, to be held, to be wanted and needed but allowed movement to roam. Spiderman nudged Wade, “Candle Stick over there needs to be taken in police custody so we,” he gestured, “Can go home.”

“Yes,” Wade hissed. He shot Candle Stick a dangerous look and punched his palm while Spiderman leveled on his shoulder, “We do need to put this asshole into the ground.”

Spiderman rolled his eyes, “Into. Police. Custody,” he articulated.

Wade shot Spiderman a disgusted look but it fizzled into a resigned pout, “I hate you. You awful, sexy goody two shoes, you better spank me later to make up for this tooth-rotting bunny rabbit morality,” Wade pointed at Spiderman.

“Oh my god, fine,” Spiderman rolled his eyes. But it wasn’t like he was all too pleased that Wade didn’t fight back that instinct for blood. It was roundabout exhausting, being worried Wade would tip over the status quo and murder someone. “But you’re helping me wrap Candle Stick up for the 5-0 over there,” he jutted a thumb back.

“Fine,” Wade gritted, “But we get to break his arm in two – no, three places. Just until that amazing derriere of yours is healed spick and spat,” he wiggled his brows. And despite that innuendo, Wade stomped his foot because he didn’t like Peter’s former answer.

He wasn’t Wade’s caretaker! Wade was a fully-grown adult; he couldn’t keep playing it murderous toddler. Not when Spiderman was wrestling with exhaustion, dehydration and probably a concussion.

“No…” Spiderman grimaced incredulously, “Let’s not.”

Peter didn’t have enough energy to articulate to Deadpool why that was exactly.

Wade didn’t get it, “Why?” like the notion had a peculiar stench.

Okay, fine. If he didn’t have a choice but it was obvious he didn’t want to say it out loud. He felt the fight brew and he hated it but couldn’t prevent it. “Because it would be revenge,” Spiderman scraped at the burn on his cheek, “And we don’t do revenge. Revenge is bad! Justice is good. I thought we both picked this up from the Captain.”

Okay, it wasn’t like Spiderman forgot what Deadpool had done. And while he didn’t like to recall it, he did. Because it was a part of Wade and he loved Wade, all the little broken pieces that made a jagged whole of gross jokes, pop culture references and the sweetest person that understood him. Made Peter feel alive and fulfilled and excited.

Spiderman couldn’t just forget that large part of Wade’s history, it was Wade’s. And it didn’t just disappear because he didn’t approve of it. So, okay, breaking someone’s arm in revenge was a lot better than murdering someone in a tantrum but it wasn’t good enough. He thinks Wade sees that it isn’t enough in his face.

His shoulders slouched, “Spidey-Bun – ugh,” Wade whimpered, and then staggered.

In comparison to the suffocating fumes of flames, this was worse.

Wade hummed, slitting his finger on the sharp blade protruding from his heart, swiveling his head to find Candle Stick there. “Get ready for that bagel, stick-shit,” Wade hissed, blood bubbled out his mouth.

And then he toppled back.

Spiderman tackled Candle Stick back, the sword clanging on the muddied concrete. Wade grunted, gave a full body shudder before he stilled. Spiderman’s fist snapped under Candle Stick’s throat.

“He’d have killed me! You can’t blame me for that, right? I’m the brightest flame,” Candle Stick crackled. His hands raised in surrender, flame thrower tossed aside to turn Wade’s own blade against him. “I burned brighter!” he snarled, trying to fight Spiderman off his chest.

Obviously, it didn’t work out.

“You’re nothing compared to him,” Spiderman hissed, “And I swear to whatever entity you believe in that I’ll make it my life’s mission to make certain you never so much get to flick a light bulb again.”

Candle Stick’s orange painted fingernails stuttered, “Isn’t that a bit much?”

Spiderman’s lenses narrowed, he towered above Candle stick and hissed: “You stabbed my boyfriend in the heart with his own weapon. So, you tell me if I’m overacting,” Spiderman awaited Candle Stick’s swallow.

“No?” Candle Stick tried.

Spiderman arched a fist back, “Yeah…” he agreed. His fist punched at the underside of Candle Stick’s jaw, hard but only to knock him out. Spiderman leveled off, hastily shying away from the blood pooling around his boyfriend.

He sucked in a deep breath as the police whirred in, claiming the unconscious Candle Stick and his abandoned flamethrowers. It only stank of metallic blood and he shook his head to clear the scent, “I’m sorry,” Police Woman trotted over. “About your friend,” she gestured, mouth already open for more when Spiderman shook his head.

“He’ll be fine,” Spiderman assured. He tried to keep a smile, a lightness in his voice despite the harsh panic clawing in his throat. The Police Woman didn’t seem to believe him but Spiderman didn’t particularly care.

Instead Spiderman got to his knees, simply bracing himself there until the authorities left. When the lights finally left, Spiderman yanked off his mask, sucking in a deep harsh breath through his mouth wishing it’d dispel the fuming ashes and the stench of blood.

“Wade,” Spiderman croaked. He fingered the sides of Wade’s mask, delicately removing it and plopping it onto the muddied concrete besides Wade’s silent lips. They were a shade of pale that even Wade usually failed to achieve in his sickly pallor collection, “Come on. This isn’t funny, you know.”

He half expected a giggle for his effort.

Peter sniffled, “I…” His fingers shook stroking the scarred features, “I should’ve seen Candle Stick coming. I’ll be more careful, in the future, but you’ve got to wake up for us to have one,” Peter tried wryly. It didn’t get the directed crowd response.

His hands turned harder clutching at Wade’s cheeks and willing the next breath into existence. It didn’t. Asshole probably did it on purpose. “I know I’m asking a lot, I know that it isn’t as simple as flipping a switch and saying you won’t kill anymore. If it was the other way around,” he swallowed, “I’d probably hate you a little bit.”

There was a sharp gust, just another turn that he was completely alone in that space. Not another soul to be seen for miles. And doubt crept through him, that this would be the end of Wade Wilson. His fingers found the grinning crease beside Wade’s lips, “But you don’t. Or at least I hope you don’t.”

It was too quiet. And Wade was always larger than life, his mere presence a loud bundle of snappish and excited intentions that were never predictable but never filled him with dread. It was…nice, it was good. He didn’t want to ruin that.

But Wade couldn’t kill. And even more, Wade couldn’t die. He wouldn’t die, not forever. A man in a candle stick suit wouldn’t stop that winning streak. He hoped it wouldn’t be the man in the candle stick suit that killed Wade. He’d never hear the end of it when they met again.

Peter sniffled back his giggle with his heart thundering in his chest to bow over Wade’s silent face, hiding his burning eyes from view. He whimpered into Wade’s collar, “You haven’t met my aunt yet.” It was partially a threat, partially an ache in his chest that wouldn’t leave.

He felt the first breath seize in Wade’s chest and the air entered Peter’s lungs, tears crinkled at the corner of his eyes and he hid them in Wade’s chest. Wade groaned, “Spidey-Bunny…” he slurred. His large, gnarled palm shakily found Peter’s ear.

Then he paused, the hand a little steadier as he patted at Peter’s ear. “Spidey Bunny,” Wade sucked in a shallow, stuttered breath, “Are you face-naked?” Wade patted at Peter's cheeks, tried to blink past death blurriness to look. "This is a great face," Wade noted, gloved finger pinching into Peter's skin, as a grin broadening past any pain present. "It’s a good, sexy, awkward nerd Andrew Garfield face, like the nose, the Roman nose. It’s a good nose, can I lick it?" There he is.

Peter just laughed, leveling back to smudge the tears from his cheeks. “I hope you like fish fillets,” he managed.

Wade hummed, his gaping wound a puckered pink sore swallowing out of existence. His eyes glazed and bright, Peter fingered Wade's chin to find the pulse thundering underneath. Wade frowned, unable to really focus on Peter's face above him. "Why the fishes…?" Wade considered it a threat.

It wasn’t. “My aunt making fish fillets tomorrow,” Peter allowed.

“Wow, I should die more often.” What a fucker.

Peter's lips brushed Wade's as he said, "I love you Wade Wilson. And if you die on my again, I'll bury you six feet underground and wait for the rise of the living dead." A knot in his chest loosened at the hot breaths on his mouth, the heat steaming off Wade's skin. He didn't know what he'd do without him. He wanted Wade to take care of himself.

Wade would have to learn that.

His boyfriend giggled, "Oh," A little flustered in the cheeks and disbelief in the eyes, "You really mean that?" He was not to be excited about this! "Date night just got a little kinkier, Spidey Bunny?" Wade practically preened. That's amazing. His chest seized with how much he loved this thought process, and Wade was still such an asshole. It's truly remarkable.

"We're going to the movie theatre next date night. None of this roam in search of trouble shtick. We're going to be normal and not-dead," he wiped the final tears from his vision and pressed a hard kiss to Wade's cheek.

Wade's finger threaded into Peter's hair, "We like that. But how about the trouble for home? I bought some handcuffs whitie really wanted to use," his nonexistent eyebrows waggled. He pressed a really gentle kiss to Peter's nose and his heart stuttered, just a little, "You want to check if the downstairs plumping has kicked in yet?"

It was Wade's fallback topic when he felt uncertain. "Nah. I do want bad television, duvets and pizza. You up for it?" Wade's grin lit up more than Candle Stick ever could. With Wade Peter drawled, " _I'm always up for it_. I know, Wade. I know."

His muscular fingers skimmed Peter's ear, "We love you too, Spidey Bunny," Wade whispered. It was a fearful secret directed like a slumber party missed confession. Peter pressed a kiss to Wade's lips, a little blood smeared in Wade's scent, before Peter patted at Wade's whole chest.

"No death," Peter declared.

"No death," Wade chirped back. Just a whole lot of life. That's all they needed.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed, feedback me! :D


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